Episode #40:

What Do You Want?  

Our culture has a bit of an obsession with “having.” We’re always looking for the next new thing (app, supplement, couch cover!) we can “have” that might make a change for us.

There is a fun assessment I play with kids in my practice. I tell them they have a key to a magic room and when they open the door they will find something that makes them happier than they could imagine – but the trick is you can’t buy it with money. Then I ask them to draw it on a special piece of paper.

It’s amazing what they create. A brother who doesn’t come in my room. A teacher who doesn’t yell. More time to play in the backyard. And I can’t tell you how many pictures I get of families playing and laughing together.

And when I ask kids if they want to keep what they have created or trade it for something material, they almost always say keep (occasionally someone wants to trade for a dog… but I get it. Dogs are awesome).

We think when we have some “thing” (the bigger house, the extra vacation time, perfect meal planning system) the peaceful home will come.

But it’s actually the opposite.

We have to be the person who creates a peaceful home first. There is no magical gift coming our way to transform our family life. It starts with us.

On today’s “Good Enough Parenting” podcast, I explore who we need to “be” and what we need to “do” in order to have what we want.

Want a kid that has fewer meltdowns? You may need to “be” someone who values your child’s downtime and sleep and therefore says no to late night sports/school events.

Want a partner who is truly supportive? You may need to “be” someone who advocates for themselves and asks your partner to get up with the kids so you can sleep in this weekend.

Want a child who knows how to handle their big feelings? You may need to “be” a parent that knows how to regulate their own first.

Like it or not, it’s an inside job. As Glinda the Good Witch reminds us, “You’ve always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.”

Today, consider who you need to become to have the family life you want. Even if all you do is begin to imagine her, that’s a good enough start.